Things Professors Say

I am not sure you sent me that draft.

I am sure that it has been done before but I can't remember where and by whom.

I will write the grant over the summer.

It is under review but I am sure that it will be published in (insert name of prestigious journal).

If they will not give me the lab space I am sure that the Dean at (insert name of prestigious university) will.

I can't put my hands on the code at the moment as the student who conducted the experiment is in (insert name of distant continent).

Of course I need a (insert name of implausibly expensive lab gizmo) they are part of the set up of any well equipped laboratory.

They do not make (insert name of implausibly inexpensive lab gizmo) of equivalent quality today and once I get the spares it should work perfectly.

I do not understand post-docs. In my day it was about commitment not contracts.

I do not have time to set up a web site for that.

The 1985 edition of that textbook is essential for my work, and though I have not looked at it since 1987 it is vital that it remains on the table in the lab, just in case.

I want to recruit women but they just don't apply for the posts.

No, I have not done that yet. In universities it used to be about scholarship and now it's all about management and administration.