Is Your University Financially Sustainable?
... take this simple test
TL;DR The only question is ‘how big is the handcart’?
The Office for Students (OfS) is very concerned about the financial sustainability of universities. Not so concerned that they have considered reducing the regulatory burdens they impose, obviously. But concerned nonetheless. They are considering the details of the financial performance of each university. This is an extended technical process. I offer an alternative.
To make life easier for the OfS, @profserious has devised this simple test. Each of the attributes listed below has a threshold value. If the attribute is above the threshold it should be scored as 1 Dundee. 10 Dundees = 1 Full Peck. If your university scores 8 Dundees, or above, you should probably check your inbox for your redundancy notice – the terms will not be attractive.
Number of Professors who aspire to be a Head of Department.
(0, score 1 Dundee)Ratio of accountants to educators on University Council.
(Above parity, score 1 Dundee)Number of buckets in the atrium of the science block.
(3 buckets = 1 Vallance; 1 Vallance, score 1 Dundee)Number of overseas applicants for newly-launched ‘AI & Social Influencing’ (TikTok Studies) programme.
(Less than half the number in the business model, score 1 Dundee)Number of fields in the Academic Workload Allocation Model
(100, the point at which the model is no longer allocating workload but generating it, score 1 Dundee)Scale of inflated ambition in the India TNE business case.
(Imperial, score 1 Dundee)Pallor of Chief Operating Officer (COO).
(Grey, score 1 Dundee)Distance past sell-by date of biscuits at Academic Board.
(Predate current Vice-Chancellor’s appointment, score 1 Dundee)Attractiveness of Voluntary Severance offer.
(Attractive to anyone with options, score 1 Dundee)Proportion of lab equipment purchased prior to the last REF.
(100%, the equipment has also outlasted 3 Heads of Department and 4 strategic plans, score 1 Dundee)
A brilliant, if wincingly accurate, diagnostic tool. I suspect many of us across the sector are currently calculating our institutional ‘Dundee’ scores with a mounting sense of dread.
Reading this prompted a rather curious reflection on the peculiar ecosystem of university leadership. Is it not a fascinating paradox that we routinely see academic colleagues successfully spinning out ventures and navigating the cut-throat world of enterprise, yet the reverse trajectory seems virtually mythic? Where are the legendary corporate dynamos transforming our administrative blocks into engines of lean, supportive efficiency?
Instead, one is forced to ask: why does the modern university executive suite so often feel like a gentle pasture for those who found the actual private sector a trifle too demanding? We seem to have imported all the jargon of the corporate world—the 'agile frameworks', the 'strategic pivots', the myriad 'stakeholder synergies'—without any of the concomitant efficiency or market accountability.
The issue, of course, is not the individuals themselves, but the sprawling architecture we have allowed to flourish. Why do we construct vast administrative hierarchies whose primary output appears to be the generation of compliance exercises for the very people trying to conduct the research and teaching? When a workload allocation model requires its own dedicated bureaucracy just to operate, have we not completely lost the plot?
Perhaps it is time to ask a fundamental question of our institutions: what might happen if we stripped away the corporate cosplay, dismantled the administrative bloat, and returned to the truly radical idea of simply trusting and equipping our academic staff to excel?
I'm curious - when did "Chief Operating Officer (COO)" started being a thing in UK universities? And how many with a title COO should a university have? One? One per school? One per department? One per square meter?
Do these positions exist in EU universities? Or are their tasks performed by academics and secretaries?
(I don't know, it's just that I get the feeling that UK universities are trying to present themselves as "running as businesses", when in fact they're just doing what to me looks like cargo cult, just using the same titles and positions without the actual business part, e.g., have actual costs for any initiative, costs that include staff time, which it usually seems to be assumed is infinite. Remuneration committes definitely doing cargo business cult by the way.)