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Anthony's avatar

Wow. So many important points here I hardly know what to say. One point I will make, however, is the significant role strong family structures and rituals can have. However good your education was, I strongly suspect a large part of your (and your siblings’) social development came from the Finkelstein Friday night dinner table. You argued, discussed, laughed and cried together and learnt a great deal. Furthermore, when you ventured out in to elderly relatives’ homes for afternoon tea, you were not allowed to sit sulking in the corner of the room; you were supposed to account fully for yourself - what you were doing, your interests and experiences. But, looking back on what I’ve written, I realise that all sounds so terribly middle class, doesn’t it? It assumes a structure of family, home and networks that so many people nowadays are not lucky enough to have. I realise now we were pretty privileged.

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Katie B's avatar

Lots of food for thought here. I've been in a board meeting with a newly-employed twenty-something, who thought it was fine to have her cigarette packet on the table and slip out for a smoke during the break instead of following her colleagues' example of networking and gathering tacit insight into what members were thinking. She treated work (the thing we were paying her to do) as an optional extra. I've also been confident enough in the capabilities of a colleague who had recently joined us straight from university to ask them to take minutes at a high level meeting. I was provided the next day with half a page of bullet point notes that told me very little of what had been discussed. They simply hadn't understood what was required in that particular setting (and yes, I had discussed it with them beforehand!). My first thought was to wonder about the basis on which this person was awarded a degree. My second (more charitable) was to coach them on how to pick out the salient points of a discussion and record them helpfully...then find some opportunities to practice. My third was a reflection on how fortunate I have been in my educational and formative experiences: family expectations of polite behaviour, earning luxuries and the maxim 'if a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well'; teachers at my (State comprehensive) school setting standards for discipline (for which I now read: respect for others), good manners and well-presented work; experiences at university that filled in the gaps of social norms to which I hadn't been previously exposed; employers and managers who showed by example what was expected in professional settings.

I think I'm concluding that we're all presented with examples of how to behave every single day. We're also given the opportunity to influence each other through the examples we set, and by how ready we are to explore alternatives. It's less about sticking to a single codified way of doing things at school, university or elsewhere and more about understanding the life skills that those conventions help to develop...and spotting where a bit of (supportive, non-judgmental) gap-filling might help. Yes, keep up with the times, but don't stop developing skills that contribute to a society that is inclusive and well-functioning.

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