Getting Older

I have circled a bit round this theme in the past without being quite as explicit as I feel I ought to have been. Perhaps I should rectify that. This is about care for ageing parents. It is, I recognise, a privilege to care for parents as they get older and, in particular, though there is no precise calculus, to have the opportunity to return the love and attention shown to you as a child. To be deprived of this opportunity is often to be deprived of the parent through early death and not to be envied. There is honour, and beyond, in caring that occurs when relationships have been strained, as they sometimes are.

But for all of this, caring for ageing parents is hard, distance often makes it harder, emotionally if not physically. Having siblings to share the responsibility obviously provides relief, though these relationships must be strong and loving if they are to sustain the stress that it engenders. The hard work is shared too with spouses and children. It is often unequally borne by the women in a family.

I am fortunate. Though I have caring responsibilities, they are distributed amongst a supportive network of family and friends. We have the resources, organisational and financial to make this work. Love makes it work too. I have work colleagues who are understanding and I have the position to make my own schedules.

In speaking of this aspect of my life to my colleagues however, I have become increasingly aware of how widespread the challenge of caring for ageing parents is. The moment I started to talk about it, certainly with my contemporaries, I find that I am sharing experiences.

In the workplace we recognise and, at least attempt to, accommodate childcare responsibilities. Even if we are unable to do much practically, it is part of the discourse and the policy frameworks. Care for the ageing despite its growing prevalence is little spoken of, and submerged in a broad category of carer responsibilities. There may be things that we can do collectively and practically, flexibility and sensitive management primary amongst them, but more significant would be a greater degree of openness that would, I think, promote mutual support and combat the risk of individuals feeling isolated or overwhelmed.