Am I Professor Material?
Are you contemplating a Faculty position? Are you thinking of securing promotion? Take this simple quiz and find out whether you are ready to be a Professor. If, of course, you are already a Professor, take this simple quiz and find out if it is all a terrible mistake.
1. Your paper is rejected ... do you ...
A. Sincerely regret submitting it and contemplate concluding your academic career at this point.
B. Think the referees are idiots and determine to submit elsewhere.
C. Strongly suspect the workings of a malicious cabal dedicated to frustrating your work.
D. Know exactly which individuals are members of the aforementioned malicious cabal and plan a suitable revenge.
2. The funding agency identifies your research area as no longer a priority for grant funding ... do you ...
A. Consider revising your personal research focus.
B. Start reading their research strategy (a last resort) in order to identify some suitable alternative topic that your research could plausibly masquerade as.
C. Strongly suspect the workings of a malicious cabal dedicated to frustrating your work.
D. Call the programme director in order to 'persuade' them that their interpretation of the policy is erroneous.
3. A student running a critical experiment must return to their country of origin to attend to an urgent family matter ... do you ...
A. Express concern and ask what assistance you can render them and their family.
B. Express concern and ask how it is intended that the critical experiment is now to be conducted.
C. Strongly suspect the workings of a malicious cabal, that the student is now in cahoots with, dedicated to frustrating your work.
D. What student? What experiment? Why is the postdoc not paying attention to this?
4. A postdoc in your group is nearing the end of their funding and no job is in the offing ... do you ...
A. Empathise. You have been in this position yourself and start to ring round your contacts to help find them a job.
B. Worry. This postdoc is vital to your research. How will you find the funding necessary to continue your work?
C. Inform the postdoc about the malicious cabal dedicated to frustrating your work and suggest that frustrating their career is part of the larger conspiracy aimed at you.
D. Know that you need this postdoc to continue through to a faculty job so as to build your sphere of influence and as a consequence start to ring round your contacts to help find them a job
5. A conference in Hawaii is forthcoming, unfortunately it is in the middle of your teaching ... do you ...
A. Knuckle down and do the teaching.
B. Palm the teaching off on the postdoc.
C. Book your ticket and then write an annoyed email to the Director of Studies asking why teaching has been scheduled during a period that ought to be protected for research.
D. Ask your assistant to stick a note on the lecture room door.
6. The deadline for an urgent administrative task is approaching ... do you say ...
A. 'I will stay late to get it done'
B. 'These deadlines are never real ... if it is important they will chase me for it.'
C. 'This sort of administrivia imposed on us by university ayatollahs prevent real work getting done'.
D. 'I am afraid on the dates in question I will be in Hawaii at a conference.'
7. A bulky draft of a thesis chapter sits on your desk for review ... do you ...
A. Go through it carefully so that you can discuss it at the next scheduled supervision.
B. Cover the first page in red ink and scatter random question and exclamation marks throughout the remainder.
C. Delay reading it on the grounds that it will be shortly replaced by an improved version without your intervention.
D. Tell the student you will have an opportunity to read it on the flight to Hawaii and then leave it at home in your work bag.
8. An administrator in your Department is looking tired and harassed, working late into the evening ... do you ...
A. Express concern and ask how you can assist.
B. Lean round their office door and say that the Head of Department is an unreasonable slave driver.
C. Think it serves them right for all the ridiculous requests and deadlines they attempt to impose upon you.
D. Simply not notice.
9. Suddenly your computer stops working ... do you ...
A. Try to fix it.
B. Run around in circles with your head in your hands in sheer panic.
C. Call the helpdesk making it clear, by way of motivation, that you hold them personally responsible for the failure and for the fact you failed to back up.
D. Borrow the postdoc's computer until a new one arrives later that afternoon.
10. A student approaches you confidentially to express concern about the supervision they are receiving from a colleague ... do you ...
A. Look up and follow the student complaints procedure.
B. Explain to the student that causing trouble in a small community will only rebound to their disadvantage and advise then to keep quiet.
C. Do nothing but keep the incident in mind for future tactical use.
D. Have a quiet word with the Head of Department, perhaps something can be discreetly sorted out.
Your score:
Mostly As: You are too much of a goody goody. I suspect that you are already a Professor and just playing this test for laughs.
Mostly Bs: We have taught you well. You are ruthless and ambitious. In time you will be a Professor.
Mostly Cs: You are burnt out and cynical. Your behaviour is too transparent and, though you may merit promotion, your colleagues will indeed conspire to ensure you do not get it. Now is the ideal time to apply for a job in another university.
Mostly Ds: You are a Professor. You float unruffled above the hurly burly of university life. You are completely at home in the academic community. I suggest you sit back and wait until somebody offers you a good early retirement deal.