A Faculty Address

The 'commencement' address is more an American tradition than a British one. Nevertheless, to miss the chance to give a speech at graduation, as I did last year, was a great disappointment. I had, naturally enough, been preparing, and my attention had been drawn by a friend to the imaginary commencement address originally written by the columnist Mary Schmich - 'Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young'. Most people are more familiar with a version set to music by Baz Luhrmann - 'Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)'. Though the sentiments expressed are familiar, the whole is assembled with a wit and a lightness of touch that raises it far above the ordinary. If you have not read or heard it, I urge you to do so.

I urge you to read it, not least because what follows is a rendering or 'homage' or (perhaps) pastiche of it. Not a parody, though I know the piece has been frequently parodied, because that implies a lack of respect for my source.

This then is my imaginary commencement address to the class of graduating engineers:

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Class of 2012. Use statistical quality control. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, statistical quality control would be it. Scientists and engineers have shown that by careful sampling and testing you can ensure the quality of a product. The rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. 

Undertake further formal education. I understand, you are fed up with education and with the exam treadmill. But trust me, in 20 years, you will look back and comprehend how little of what there was to know we have had the opportunity to teach you. 

Your maths is better than you think.  

Plan your career. Just understand that the real career opportunities arrive, out of the blue, in the email at 5.30 on a Friday evening. Be ready to take them. 

Learn one new thing every day. 

Program.  

Don't be wasteful of other people's time. Don't put up with people who are wasteful of yours. 

Solder. 

Learn from technicians. They have a lot to teach you. 

Sometimes you are the boss, sometimes you are the subordinate. Your working life is long and what goes around, comes around. 

Remember to compliment the good work that others do. Accept criticism without rancour, and use it as a means to improve. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.  

Keep your old textbooks. Throw away your degree transcripts. 

Measure. 

Be open when you don't understand something. People will respect you for it. The cleverest people I know ask questions of others all the time. The very smartest ask questions of themselves all the time.  

When on a business trip, go to the museum, eat the weird stuff on the menu, visit your colleagues at home. 

Maybe you'll get the corner office, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have a company car, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll be the company chairman, maybe you won't. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, a lot of this is about being in the right place at the right time. Pride can blunt your objectivity which is the most important tool that an engineer possesses. 

Read the safety advice. Do not read the instruction manual.  

Understand that friends come and go, but your university classmates can be a lifelong network, keep in touch. 

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography, lifestyle and culture your ability to do so will be critical. 

Remember the 80-20 rule. It makes most - probably 80% - of engineering problems a lot easier to solve. 

You, too, will get old. There is no reason whatsoever why this should make you less welcoming of change and innovation. 

Be careful whose advice you buy. Do not engage a consultant to tell you something you already know. 

Giving advice is a professional failing of Professors. You can probably find better on the Internet. 

But ... you can trust me on the statistical quality control.